Drawing Down The Moon

By Noel Hansen

The 18th of April, 1682:

I have finally arrived at the small island I am to call my home for the foreseeable future. It is beautiful here, more beautiful a place than I have ever been, I think. The trees here have so much more color than back home, the flowers so much more intricate and delicate, the birdsong so much more melodious and soothing. I feel good here. I am not sure if that is simply due to this place being new to me or due to something else. But I find my heart instantly gladdened by the sight of everything around here, and I know I did not feel that back home.

The people here are lovely as well. Even though I am an outsider, only just today arrived, every person I have passed in the street has greeted me with a wave and a smile. I suspect it is not wholly out of good-naturedness; I do have an important position I am taking up here, after all. Regardless of their intentions, the positive attention comforts me and speaks good fortune to the future.

I am glad I chose to come out here to replace the town's old apothecary after she passed on, rest her soul. Despite being uninhabited for a few months, her place is quite lovely, all full of light and pleasant odors from the herbs growing in her garden. And the tree out front! What a grand old thing, I feel like I could fall asleep in its mossy branches. I was utterly delighted when the mayor of the town showed it to me.

She has a number of queer books though. I haven’t gone completely through them, but they have strange titles that I don’t recognize, even after all my time in the library as a student. Regardless, this seems like the right place for me. I feel like I can make a life here.

The 25th of April, 1682:

It has been a pleasant week since I last wrote. I have been acquainting myself with the townspeople very well, and they seem to enjoy my presence, and for that I am very grateful! The village elders even invited me to a dinner the other night, there were all sorts of good things to eat there. I have set myself to work straight away after I got here, first cleaning out the apothecaries house, then tending the garden, and working with the farmers to devise medicines to help some of their ailing cattle. There is much to do and I am kept on my feet very often.

In my downtime, I have been reading some of these odd books the previous apothecary left. They are quite strange, they talk of remedies I am not familiar with, and often they require one to prepare them in such a strange way. I think they are magical books. The potions and spells within seem like they would be very useful certainly, but the villagers have made no mention to the previous apothecary using this.

I admit, I have been playing with it some, to try and better understand how this all works. It seems easy enough. I was even able to get some results. I planted a seed of a flower in the ground and gave it a little potion for growth, prepared as according to one of the tomes, and within a few days it was a full grown flower! I think I shall continue with it, and see what I can use it for.

The 14th of May, 1682:

These queer books really are something! I have been very busy these past few weeks, but I have spent much time outside of my duties reading them, and they contain so much information. I feel like I have learned so much about the world and how it works from these. I have learned to do many strange things from them, mostly techniques for around the house or to make growing the herbs for the medicines slightly quicker, but it has been very useful. It has also shown me more about the world. I have learned how to find many more animals than I have ever known existed from these books; they point me to the spots where they live and show me how to see them. One of the books mentions a cave in the area where apparently the most wondrous crystals are contained! Apparently creatures most fantastical gather around them. I think I shall visit them on the morrow, as the book makes the crystals sound especially useful.

I shall admit however, my desire to visit the cave is not entirely for pleasure. Times have been hard here. While the weather has been largely good since I arrived, it has not produced a bounty. The crops in the fields refuse to grow like they should; what is coming up is small and sickly. The animals on the farms are having much trouble as well, with many cattle growing ill and chickens refusing to lay. It is looking grim; the crops and animals are usually in a much better state at this time, it bodes poorly for the autumn harvest. And the autumn harvest is all that feeds the village through the winter! We have enough food for now, but it shall soon come upon a time where rationing might start to occur, and things could only get worse from there if the situation is not reversed in a timely manner. Knowing what power these books hold and the promises of the further power contained within these crystals, I feel like I need to seek them out. The farmers have some idea of how to turn it around, but nothing has resulted from their attempts yet. And I know I can help! I just hope that these provide me what I need.

The 17th of May 1682:

It seems so much has happened since I last wrote, looking back I cannot believe it has been but a few days. What wonders did the cave hold! I went there early in the morning, leaving my house just after sunrise. I arrived well before noon and found the cave just exactly where it was described in the book. The cave mouth was not much to look at, I shall admit; indeed it was difficult to find at first, for while the book did direct me to the correct spot, the cave itself was well hidden by overgrowth. I found a small path to the side that must be made by local flora and fauna who use the cave for shelter that I was able to use to crawl through the growths covering the cave entrance.

I had to venture quite a ways into the cave to find the crystals; they are at the back and the path to them is dark and treacherous. I was lucky I had thought ahead to bring a torch, otherwise I surely would have injured myself trying to make it through. But oh, it was worth it. The end of the cave is a large cavern, the walls covered in these magical crystals! They are like nothing I have seen before; I have seen crystals of quartz back home many times, but these are much more beautiful. They seem to shimmer with every color, all at once. In fact they radiate this color outwards; walking into that final part of the cavern was like walking into daylight. They have this curious property where they appear solid but… indistinct. The far edges of the crystal appear to be clear like glass and with the color of the crystal itself stopping just a small amount before the body of the crystal stops; it is an eerie effect. The light itself has a strange effect on all around it indeed, I can’t quite identify how but everywhere that light touches things seem more… present. More real. That is a good sign, I think.

I have taken several of the crystals back from the cave with me in order to study them and see if I can use their power as the book describes. They were quite easy to remove, I just had to chip a little at the base and I could remove the whole thing. I slipped them into my pack and hurried home in such a rush so that I could be back by mid-day to do my duties. I couldn’t help but have the queerest feeling on the way back, however; I kept seeing flashes in the corner of my eye, but when I turned to see what it was, I could not identify the cause.

The 24th of May 1682:

After spending much of the past week studying and practicing, I have figured out how to use these crystals. There is magic contained within them, and the book gives instructions on how to let it out, but in a directed fashion. I can just let a little out at a time while I am working, and it makes the results of whatever I do significantly more effective! Though I do feel a little dizzy afterwards. The act of letting it out seems to drain my energy a little.

It is worth it though, I have already been able to help so many in the village! With just one crystal, I was able to cure all of the animals who had grown sick. And the crops! The farmers have such wondrous news of their crops, they grow stronger and taller than they have ever seen before! I have seen it myself as well, one day this farmer Lilly took me out to her field to see the results of my labor. We walked and talked for a long while, and had the most pleasant conversation. There is something about her… Something about her that is like nobody else I have ever met. Conversation with her came easier than with anyone else I have met out here. There is just something about her eyes too; they are kind eyes, eyes bluer than any I have ever seen.

She showed me her crops; we walked among them and discussed how they were coming up. She showed me her beans, her squash, and the long, long stalks of corn that have grown up. And she showed me the flower patch, out behind her farmhouse. They were the most vibrant and beautiful flowers I have ever seen! Such colors and shapes on them, it reminds me almost of that day in the cave. Everything was so vibrant and gaily colored. We stood for ages in the middle of that patch of flowers and just gazed at them without saying a word to each other.

Eventually I had to return to my duties, and Lilly to hers, and we parted. I felt a little sad after, for that afternoon was one of the best I had ever had. I walked home by myself through the forest, the setting sun at my back. The shadows stretched out all around me, though they seemed longer than usual. The shadows of the trees seemed to move in odd ways, they didn’t align with the sun. And even within the shadows, I saw colors like I saw in the flowers, like I saw in the crystals. I turned to look at the setting sun, and even the sun had color and seemed to shimmer with unexpected vibrancy. Reacting to this I quickly shielded my face and turned back to the road I was following.

But those are not the only strange things I have seen since I entered that cave. I have started seeing these strange animals everywhere. There are these multicolored grubs that I now see on the trees in some spots of the forest that I had not noticed before. It is possible they just came out with the changing of the seasons… But I am unsure. Sometimes when I am out alone in the forest, I see these small round creatures out of the corner of my eye, hiding behind trees. They seem friendly enough but they have odd patterns in their fur and queer expressions on their faces that make them unlike all the other animals I see out here. And sometimes, I swear things go missing in my house and I hear faint laughter once I notice it's gone, almost like someone is playing a trick on me! I have the feeling these are connected to the cave in some fashion; all these creatures, the grubs, the small round ones, the laughter in the distance… There is a sense in my mind that they are related. They all evoke the same feeling, in spite of their differences.

The 25th of June 1682:

The crystals are definitely having an effect. The crops continue to grow taller and stronger, day by day. I sneak into the farmers' fields sometimes to use the crystals to help them grow even stronger. I know this next winter will be very tough, so I know that they can use all the help they can get, and I want to do all I can to help them. It has been worth it though! You would think that the start of this year never had any issue, by how everyone acts now. Everyone is so giddy all the time, the farmers and craftsmen happily planning what to do with the excess.

The crystals are definitely having an effect on me as well. It took me some time to notice it, but once I did, it was everywhere I looked. Since finding them and using them, I just see things differently now. I see colors differently; everything to me appears more vibrant than it does to others. I was complimenting the signage at one of the new stores in town, and someone remarked to me that it was just a normal sign. To me, I had seen the most beautiful sign, with stunningly intricate carvings and beautiful trim, but to them it was very crude and forgettable. And it has been the same with almost everything else for the past few weeks. Food tastes better and the whole world has this shimmer to it, this glow that was not there before. The sunset is a dazzling display of colors and the clouds are pink and fluffy as the most comfortable pillow you have ever seen!

I invited Lilly over to my house for some tea. We chatted and ate biscuits and those biscuits were the best I had ever tasted. Then we sat underneath the tree in front of my house. Whereas when I first arrived it was just a normal tree with big brown leaves, but now… It appeared it was all hung with stars. We lay together in its boughs and stared at the sunset together. A tear ran down my cheek as the colors flashed in front of my face. Lilly didn’t seem to understand, but she lay her head on my shoulder anyway, and took hold of my hand. As the land went dark, we looked up at the tree, at the stars hanging from the tree and the stars hanging from the sky. We almost fell asleep right there, and I wouldn’t have minded that a bit, but Lilly said she had to go. I have often taken to sitting in the crook of that tree since that night.

And wonderful animals come to me when I do! Mainly these little soft, round ones. I had seen them before at the edge of my vision I think, but they are just more noticeable to me now. I think something about the crystals allows me to see them. Or maybe the crystals just make me someone they want to see. But they are the most adorable little things, so loving and sweet. They pant like dogs and drool a little on my lap whenever I pick them up.

There are other animals around too, and I think they also have come out because of the crystals. There are these gangly ones that seem to like to play tricks, but otherwise seem mostly harmless. What jokers they are! I admit, it is annoying sometimes to have to deal with them. And there are these little bugs as well that have been appearing along my house, but they make such lovely noises that I don’t mind them.

I also found this funny little dragon who was sleeping under a bench one day. However when I looked away, it wasn’t there anymore. It appeared a few days later, sleeping in a hanging basket in my house, though it disappeared as well when I looked away. I was finally able to get a good look at it recently when I found it sleeping in my bed as I went to make it! It is almost like a snake crossed with a mouse. It has a calming presence though, so I just let it sleep.

The 10th of July 1682:

It's gotten worse. I thought I could fight it, but I can’t. The warping of my perception keeps getting worse. The last few weeks, I could see the houses of the town shaking and moving as I observed them while walking down the street; they were twisting into fantastical shapes and everyone was just going on about their lives like they weren’t living in a town surrounded by the most magical masterworks of architecture they had ever seen. And I know that that is not what is happening; that the houses are just the same as they always are. But try as I might, I can’t see them any other way now. I know the world can be a mean place, and a hard place. But I can’t see it as anything but beautiful, at every opportunity.

I went for a walk in the woods yesterday. I couldn’t stop staring at the insects, marveling at the patterns their movements made in the air. I came across the rotting corpse of a deer while on the walk; it appeared like it had broken its neck fleeing from hunters, the bolt from the crossbow was still stuck in its side. It was lying at the base of a tree, its head draped over the roots. Maggots roiled in the guts that had spilled from its burst belly. It’s vital organs were now laying scattered around the tree like leaves in the fall. I stood there and stared at it for a long time, because I had never seen something so beautiful; the magic of life from death. I couldn’t help but laugh out of happiness. I laughed while tears streamed down my face. I know naught six months ago, I would have been repelled by this sight. I would have wept out of despair or repulsion. Now I weep out of rapturous joy.

Is this not a blessing, then? To see the good in everything, to see the happiness in everything? To see the greatness, the art, the beauty in everything? Part of me wants to share this with the world. Another part of me knows that such talk is foolishness and that my mind is faltering. That the world can’t be all goodness and light all the time.

These questions haunt my mind every day. It is making me grow more distant from those in the town. They look at me and find me strange now, I can tell; I am always staring off into the distance, staring into nothing or into something they would find detestable. They used to greet me whenever I went into town; now they cross onto the other side of the street when they see me pass.

Even Lilly has become distant to me. We used to spend many nights together, but these past couple weeks, she has been visiting less and less, and every time she does come she stays for a shorter period. To me, she remains the most beautiful and interesting woman in the world. To her, I probably appear like a madwoman.

I have been spending more and more time with the creatures that live here now, the little ones that have revealed themselves to me. They have been my greatest joy during this time. We play tricks and games with each other and they help me out with chores when they can. In exchange, I give them a little of my food, and they seem grateful for it. They even bring me little baubles they find while they are out; mostly just stones and sticks, but I know they mean well. And the sleepy one curls up to me at night. It just appears, laying at my feet and keeping the bed warm while I sleep. I am always glad of its presence.

The 17th of August 1682:

The harvest season has begun. Farmers are bringing in more than they can store; they are building bigger and bigger store-houses in order to be able to catch up. There is a lot of talk in town about what to do with the excess, how to make sure it all keeps for the future and doesn’t go bad. All the animals this year are producing double what they did in even the best of previous years; gallons of milk from each cow, the biggest pigs anyone has ever seen, chickens that are laying two to three times a day. It is prosperity beyond what anyone here has ever experienced. I feel grateful my work has helped everyone out so much, and yet I still feel sad, as I have grown more and more distant from the town over the summer. I rarely go into town anymore in order to avoid confrontations with the townsfolk. Those who do need help come to me, and I visit most of the farmers regularly, though they are always nervous when I show up.

The harvest festival is approaching in about a fortnight. It will be the biggest the town has ever had. Preparations are being made for it even as I write this. I am expected to attend, due to my place without the town. I am expected to sit at a long, low table with all the other craftspeople and elders of the town, and to enjoy food and dancing among my peers. I am not sure how much I will be able to do so. I want to dance with Lilly, desperately, madly. I have wanted it for months, but I am not sure if she will have me now. We haven’t talked in a week and a half. Not for any particular fight; she just has not come to me and whenever I visit her farm I talk to one of her farmhands because she is never around. She is avoiding me. But she must attend this; and when she does, we will meet and make up and dance our cares away under those big beautiful stars, and all will be right with the world again. This is what I hope.

The 7th of September 1682:

I return to this journal now, a woman forever changed. I had felt isolated even when surrounded by others, but now I am alone in whole. All have left me. Even Lilly has gone, the one I had let come closest to me, the one with which I laid down in meadows on warm days while holding hands; the one I whispered my deepest secrets too, in full assurance that I and they were safe. I feel foolish for letting it get that far, for letting myself be hurt in that manner.

The harvest festival was a disaster. Most of the day of the festival was enjoyable enough, though I retreated to the edge of the crowd to be by myself for most of it. And then the evening came; I took my place at the table for the feast, and they lit the bonfire around which all the tables were set for the entire town. When they did that I was assailed with the most hideous visions; I saw waves of energy like fire eliminate from the bonfire. The entire town was lit with radiating, shimmering auras of color; it leaped from one person to another, and from buildings to people to objects to buildings like a forest fire eating a forest whole. Everyone was baring their teeth and crying out as though in terrible pain, their faces twisted into grimaces of the purest madness.

I cried out and fell to my knees at the sight of all this. I immediately started to draw a magic circle on the ground as I had done so many times before, to recreate the ritual to summon a well in hopes that I could save at least some of the townsfolk from their fate of being consumed by the fire. In their fervor some rushed to stop me, but they did not succeed; I pulled one of the crystals from my bag and poured all its power into the spell. A roiling geyser of water burst from the ground on the spot after I recited the incantation, and drowned out all the flames. Everyone ran at that, and the festival grounds were silent and dark as the water subsided. I stood there, triumphant, for I knew that I had saved the town.

Out of the shadows though, many of the townspeople emerged and came up to me. The fire had left their bodies, but it remained in their eyes. Lilly was at their head and they confronted me. They questioned why I did what I did, and I reacted in shock, for I did not understand how they could not have seen and felt the flames that were consuming them. They report they saw no flame but the bonfire, that they had all been in an ecstatic mood and that I had ruined the festival. They called me mad, they accused me of witchcraft and devilry. They drove me from town that very night, with not a shade of regret in their eyes.

I found a hunter's shack in the woods that evening, stumbling through the woods by moonlight. The creatures led me to it. I found the dragon sleeping on a cot in the corner. I curled up next to it for warmth and I also slept. I have been living here ever since; the hunters who own the shack have not come through. I scavenge supplies from the woods during the day, and at night I sneak back to my old house, now sitting unoccupied, in order to bring over some things that I find necessary to continue. I brought this journal back tonight, and I write in it by the fire of a lamp I also purloined. I scavenge for food in the barns and sheds of the farmers; they don’t lock it for they don’t fear burglars and they have so much that they don’t miss the food when it goes. I don’t know how to continue like this. It is a miserable life. But I don’t know how to change it either.

The 29th of September 1682:

My loneliness deepens every day. Though the forest spirits, as I have taken to calling the creatures the crystals have revealed to me, visit every day, I long for companionship. I spend most of my days alone now and it is a miserable existence for any living creature.

I do still receive visitors from the town. They come to me in the late hours, at nights or during the storms in order to not be seen. I suppose they don’t want to be seen consulting with a “witch”; it would not look good for their character. But they still come to me anyway, for help with crops or ailments or various other matters in which I can use my magic to assist and they have brought me small gifts in order to make it seem like an exchange (though they do not know I would still assist them even if they didn’t bring me anything). I am not sure why I still assist them, after they drove me out and cursed me to this loneliness, but I still do.

I continue to gather crystals to aid me in this. Without them I would not be able to help nearly as much as I do. And if I was not able to help them, I would not even receive these sparse numbers of visitors. And yet… using the crystals drains me. I see less and less of the real world every day; every day, the shimmer of colors from the crystals covers more and more of my sight. Whenever I use them, it always gets a little worse. Even my memories are leaving me now; I forget so much. My grandmother's face has left me, my mother’s voice has left me. And my skin grows paler every day. It is as if I am fading from this world.

What else am I supposed to do? If I stop using them, I will receive no visitors at all. I will be destroyed. And if I continue to use them, I will be destroyed. Is that my destiny? Am I to only know destruction?

I found one spell in a book recently. It describes a way of capturing one's memories in a jar, as a way of protecting them from what might snatch them. Once the memories are captured in the jar, they become much more difficult to forget. Others can view them as well, they do not disappear even after death. I have been pouring much of my free time into making these. I don’t want to forget any more, I don’t want to fade any more. I think that even if I go, some of myself will still remain in these jars. And that will be enough in the end, I think; I think I could feel good if just part of me remained in this world, even if it is a small part.

The 2nd of October 1682:

Last night I had a dream. It was more vivid than any dream I have ever had. I woke up this morning with a perfect memory of it, and the dream has not faded as they so often do. That seems important to me, somehow.

In the dream there was an island. It was isolated from the rest of the world; nobody knew it was there, and those on the island did not know much beyond it. And they were happy, truly and deeply happy. They raised animals, they farmed, they gathered, they hunted, they fished; they were self-sufficient and wanted for nothing. Everyone was kind to one another, everyone was good and gracious and compassionate and beautiful.

Then one day a mysterious wall appeared on one end of the island. The wall covered the world as far as anyone could see; it extended off into infinity. It cut off just one inch of the beach, only a single inch. The wall looked like smoke; it was a wall of smoke without fire. It was thin enough to see glimpses through. It smelled like nothing however, and gave off no heat. And behind it, there was no sound. Where usually there had been the sound of flying birds or jumping fish, there was nothing at all. Not even wind or waves.

The people of the island marveled at the wall. The bravest and strongest of the men ventured to touch it, sticking his whole arm into it. When he did, all parts of his arm that touched the smoke-without-flame or went beyond it went limp. He pulled it out in shock, but feeling and movement did not come back to it. The arm was completely dead, no life remained in it. There was no pain when this happened; it was instantaneous. The people looked at the wall in shock; they saw a bird above them fly into it and drop down onto the water on the other side, without moving. The people of the island understood that this wall was death and that anything that touched it or tried to go beyond it would die, completely and utterly. So they retreated from it, and warned their children not to play near it.

And so it went for a little while. The people of the village were brave, and went on about their life, ignoring the wall just at the edge of their little world. And life was okay for a time. Then one day, someone noticed something; the wall had moved a little up the beach. It now covered three inches of the beach. All those on the island tried to ignore it, but soon they found they couldn’t. For slowly, always at the exact same pace, the wall was moving across the island, covering it all.

The people evacuated the side of the island closest to the wall and moved to the other side. And that worked fine for a time, but still the wall moved. The people of the island grew depressed after, for they thought they could do nothing. They just stayed where they were and let the wall overtake them, one by one. The dream ended with the wall covering almost all the island, except for the beach on the exact opposite side. The only survivor of the island was a little girl, standing in the surf holding onto one of her toys, crying for her parents.

I observed this entire drama from above, as if I was a god. From where I was, I could see that there was another island just across the horizon. Though obscured and not visible from the island itself, it was twice its size and about a day's journey by boat.

I am not sure what it means, but I can’t get it out of my head.

The 10th of October 1682:

I have been reading many of the spell books from the old house lately. One of the books mentions a spell that could help. It refers to a spellbook called Liber supremae potestatis in voluntatem et nihil. In this spellbook is something that could help open the eyes of the others by drawing on the power of the moon. It could bring them back to me, it would allow them to see things as I see them. Then they wouldn’t be so different; they would see the beauty in the world that I see. It is a gift, and the gift would bring us together again, finally.

I need to go back to the house when it is next possible, to see if I can find that book. I believe I saw it among the collection.

The 14th of October 1682:

The book was hidden in a corner of the house. I turned the house upside down but I did eventually find it lying behind a shelf, in the corner of the room. The forest spirits followed me all the way to the house and wailed at me, as if they didn’t want me to enter, but I did and found what I needed. I do not know what they play at, but they cannot stop me in this endeavor.

The spell described is in the book too. It is dangerous however; it draws upon the power of the moon to link one's soul to others in order to unify their perception. This could be dangerous in my weakened state right now. My body has grown so feeble over these past few weeks, I could barely lift the book when I found it. I will need the crystals for this. I have gathered the last of them from the cave; their power will aid me, make this possible.

The spell can only be cast when the moon is full as well. I will wait for that time and prepare all I can in the meanwhile. My heart soars knowing the gift I shall give to everyone.

The 30 of October, 1682:

The full moon is tomorrow. I have spent all day preparing the spell. I am putting all of myself into this. All of the final crystals will go into this, I need all the help I can get. I spent little of what I could muster outside of the crystals on creating some final jars of memories. It helped ease my mind a little. I am nervous. The risk in performing this ritual is high. There is the possibility I might perish performing it, losing myself as my body and soul is torn asunder and the pieces sent drifting through the cosmos.

But the payoff shall be worth all the effort and cost. I am sure now that everything will be alright. Once the ritual is completed and the town sees the world as I do, we shall finally be re-united, and I shall finally feel like I belong. I look forward to when I am able to make the next entry in the journal; at that time I shall be able to recount what lovely things have occurred. Until then, I shall leave this as it stands, a record of my journey and my struggles. If something goes wrong, there shall be this and the jars, at least.